someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
