I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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