as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Can I color on your dick again?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I die, sorry about rent.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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