I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
