Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
