it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
