Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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