where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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