goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
