Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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