It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize