I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Help. Why am I so naked?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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