i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize