what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
