Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
