Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize