I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
