The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
