he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
