just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
