Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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