I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize