so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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