I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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