I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my shit smells like andre
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
