There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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