I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize