Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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