I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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