Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
