well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
