Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
And then he peed in my hair
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
