i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
