I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And then my night got REAL pukey
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
