you have to choose: penises or morals?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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