Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
