Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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