HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
