Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
