don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
