Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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