The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
