somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
