He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
