just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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