I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
