sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
