i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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