can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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