I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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