im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
