i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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