Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
