Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
