First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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