before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
