With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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