I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
