My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
