ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
