Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
