I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
