if i can run in heels then i can drive
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
