I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
