He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize