ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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